Josh was whistling as he drove his Chevy through
the streets of Exeter. How good was this car? Would it make it
to Detroit? Or should he give it to Cindy? Or let Gus sell it for
him? Decisions. The car seemed to find its own way to Cindy's
house and waited for Josh to blow the horn. Two quick beeps.
Cindy came running out of the house with her arms full
of books. Josh reached across the seat and pushed the door open.
She spilled into the seat and gave him a quick kiss.
"Hey. What's the deal? How come you wanted to go out
for breakfast?"
"Oh, I just woke up early and went outside and knew it
was the kind of day that had to begin right. And what could be
better than breakfast at McDonald's?"
"Do you want a list? Alphabetical or by category?"
She punched his arm.
"Okay. Okay, then you don't need to eat. I'll eat and
you can watch."
"Not likely. I may be a cheap date, but this morning
you promised me breakfast."
So far, so good. Cindy was in a good mood, and Josh
tried to analyze everything. How much of it would last? What would
this girl be like if he left her? Could he tell her?
"Mickey D's, the best bistro in town. Let's go in."
He swung the car into a parking spot and pushed his door open.
"Wow. A real date. Not just drive through!" Cindy
folded her hands and smiled. Josh was half way up the walk before
he realized she was waiting for him. He paused, then laughed and
went back and opened her door.
"You'll never get out of this car, you wait for me. Let's go."
There was a short line and then they had their
Egg McMuffins and coffees.
"Let's sit over here by the window. Watch the early
morning rush hour." Casual conversation was all that was keeping Josh
from exploding.
"Traffic was snarled this morning as commuters slowed
to watch Exeter's favorite couple eat tepid egg sandwiches at one
of the city's finest dining spots." They were both laughing as
they opened their sandwiches but then Cindy paused, stared at
Josh, opened her mouth and stopped again.
"Josh. I've never seen you look like this. What's up?"
"Cindy. Cindy, I wanted to tell you something
important. Can I do that? Is that okay?" He clasped his coffee in front of him.
"Important? You still gotta ask me if we can talk
important?
You've been missing something. We're a hot number. We do
everything together. Howl at the moon. Roll on the beach. Drive
my mother crazy. Even talk important. Shoot." She took a bite of
her breakfast, chewed and smiled broadly.
"Nice smile. No, listen. This is important. And I've
gotta tell you. I gotta tell you now." He dropped his eyes and stared at
his coffee.
She swallowed and put her chin on her folded hands.
"I'm here, Josh. I'm your friend. You can tell me."
"Cindy, I've decided to. . . ." He could hear
himself mumble. He tried again. "Cindy, I'm going to school in
Detroit." There. He'd said it. Whatever was coming, whatever pain
he'd caused, he wasn't sorry. There'd been some good times, a
few moments of sunshine for each of them, but he had to move on.
He had to do what was best for him. It was time to. . . . It was the
right thing to do. It was what he. . . .
"Josh? Josh, are you all right?" Cindy was staring at him?
"Huh?"
"Oh, my sweet Josh. Are you there? I've said three
times that that's okay. Can you hear me?" She reached across the
table and moved his hands away from the coffee.
"Huh?"
"Josh. Josh, I've known you were going to go. I've
known for weeks. I've only wondered when you'd catch on."
"You've known? But. . . ."
"You're my poet, Josh, and I can read you like a book
of verse. Oh, the metaphors and similes and allusions take
some pondering, but really, you're an open book." She cupped her
hands around his and squeezed.
"But what about. . . . What about Newmarket and
Stratham Tech and our plans? You filled out that application. Got all
that stuff." He raised his eyes to hers.
"What would Miss Ingersoll say? Just a foolish woman
with foolish dreams. But I also knew that you'd make the right
choice. The right choice for you."
"But not for us?"
"Silly boy. Silly, silly boy. The right choice for you is
the right choice for us. If you stay here when you should be
there, when you want to be there, then we're doomed anyway. I love
you, Josh. And I would never want you here when you wanted to
be somewhere else." She brushed a tear away from his cheek.
"I'll always love you. Always. And I'll be back.
And. . . . And. . . ."
"It's all right, Josh. Don't cry. Don't worry. You've
given me something that I never thought I'd have, not in high school,
not ever. You've been a friend. You've been wonderful. You've
made my days happy and my nights alive with music. These last
few months are etched in my heart."
"But I, but I don't want to leave you."
"Josh. Josh, you won't leave me. I just told you, you're etched
in my heart, golden letters on a silver heart. You can't take that away."
She dabbed at his eyes with her napkin.
"How can you be so calm?" His eyes glistened.
"I'll tell you a secret. No, no. A good secret. I was talking with
a friend about you, and she helped me realize what I've got, what you
are. She told me you were leaving, that you should leave, that you had
to leave. And I cried then. Because I thought I needed you."
"Who. . . ."
"Shhhh. She told me that you were looking for yourself, that
you had mountains to climb where none of us could follow. But she also
told me that she and I could wait together, and we would see what you
become. And maybe that new Josh Allenson will have some room in his
life for us. Maybe a lot of room. Or maybe we'll just be fond memories.
But whichever it is, whatever it is, whatever you become, that's all that
we could ever want for you."
"You sound like my grandfather. Or, or. . . . Ingersoll!"
Josh laughed aloud.
"Now you see. There's a world here for you. Or a world that
will remember you. All that we ask is that you do your very best."
"But that's not enough. Let's promise. Let's say that in two
years, when I've finished school, or in four years, when you've finished. Let's
say that then we'll get married, and, and. . . ." His hands were twisting in hers.
"You are a sweet boy, and I do love you very much. But we've
got a long way to go, and a lot to learn. And I'm trying to get away
from difficult commitments. That's why I won't live at home next year.
That's why I'll live in Newmarket or Durham or somewhere else next year. But
I won't make commitments. Oh, we'll see each other when you're
home. And I'll write you long and mushy letters every other day, or maybe
more often. But no commitments. And if you decide to marry Kristen. . . ."
"She's nothing to me. She may not even be there. She's. . . ."
Josh saw the laughter in Cindy's eyes.
"Gotcha. But I'll tell you something else, something wicked
important." Cindy dropped his hands and grabbed the edge of the table.
"Huh?"
"Oh, my dear, sweet Josh. My monosyllabic Josh. If you
think howling at the moon is wild stuff, you ain't seen nothin' yet. These
next few weeks, we're going to make poetry that will make even Parsons
blush. I'm going to make sure you never forget that little girl you kissed in
the girls' bathroom so many moons ago." And then, right in the middle of
the breakfast crowd at McDonald's, she tipped her head back and began
to howl.
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