"She's a different girl, Josh. Different ever since she
met you. Oh, I don't want to suggest you're not getting the real
Cindy, but you've made her better. You've made her have more respect
for herself. More self-confidence. She's, she's happier. Oh, maybe
it's just her growing up, finding herself. But I think you have a lot to
do with it. I think you can take a lot of credit for that girl." Josh
was sitting at the Carlson's kitchen table with Cindy's mother.
"I don't know what to say, Mrs. Carlson. I like Cindy,
just the way she is. I don't think I've changed her. We're just
friends." He opened his hands as if to show that there was nothing hidden.
"Just friends, maybe. But she talks about you when
you're not here. She smiles when she comes to dinner. She goes to
school with a little bounce in her step that wasn't there a few months
ago. Oh, you're very important to that girl. Yes, you are." Mrs.
Carlson fixed Josh with a piercing stare, daring him to contradict.
"I'd like to think that that's the real Cindy, the one
that you're talking about. You and Mr. Carlson have brought her
up right. You should be taking the credit yourselves, not giving it
to me." Trapped again.
"Did she tell you that we took her to a shrink last year?
For depression? No, I'll bet she didn't. She was coming home
from school and going up to her room and closing the door and
just banging away on her computer. Writing poetry, she said, when
we asked. But I went in one day when she wasn't here and found a
lot of the stuff she was writing. Read it on her computer. She
didn't know that I could do that, but I did. And it was terrible."
Her mother shivered now, thinking about it. "Oh, good writing,
the doctor said, but all about dark things. Snow storms and ice
and darkness and death. Made me shiver."
"Maybe it wasn't written for you."
"What do you mean, not for me? Of course it was for
me. The doctor said she probably wanted us to find it and help her.
She talked to her for six months, every week. The doctor said she
was not too far gone, just a normal kid, but maybe she needed
some more interests. I think she meant friends. And now I know
that what she meant was that Cindy needed you."
"Me? It could have been anybody." How come every
adult wanted to plan his life, to define his life for him?
"You. Someone who could understand her. Who
could appreciate what she was, who she is. Now, listen." She was
interrupted. Her husband came through the back door lugging two
bags of groceries. Josh jumped up and grabbed a bag as it started to
slip out of his hands.
"Thanks, son. Helping with the groceries. Just like part
of the family." He set his bag on the counter and tousled Josh's hair.
"Just helping you, Mr. Carlson. You looked like you
were going to drop it. Like it was going to fall." Who were these
people? How did Cindy put up with them? Always interpreting,
making something out of nothing.
"Henry, I was just telling Josh what a difference he
has made in Cindy's life. What a change there's been. How happy
we are that he's here." She was by the refrigerator now, emptying
the bags her husband had brought in.
"Where is my little girl? Is she here?"
"She left a few minutes ago to take a video back. She'd
just gone when Josh showed up. They're going to study together,
and then maybe watch another movie." She smiled again.
"Well, that's nice. Josh, it's true. You've made our girl
perk up. She's more fun these days. Not so somber." He smiled.
"That's what I told him, Henry. Happier. That's what I
said. Isn't that what I said, Josh?" Now they were both smiling at
him. What was this, the Waltons?
"Yes, ma'am. Happier." Where was she? Why didn't
she come back and rescue him? Her parents were nice and all,
but enough was enough. No more about what Cindy used to be,
please. He had enough trouble with what she was right now.
The door burst open and Cindy came crashing into
the room. "Uh, oh. Looks like trouble here. What are you all
talking about, as if I couldn't guess."
"Oh, just nice things."
"Like what, Mom? You were talking about me.
Don't believe anything they tell you about me, Josh." She pantomimed
a good-little-girl dance.
"We only said good things. We all think you're wonderful."
"Is that right, Josh?"
"Uh, yeah. Wonderful things. You're smart, clever, fun to
be with. . . ."
"Beautiful? Talented? Insipid? Obnoxious? Let's go
upstairs, Josh." Cindy stood by the doorway, glowering.
"Just leave your door open, dear. I've got a pie, if
you'd like to come down later. A Cool Whip Surprise. It's delicious."
"We'll be down later. Let's go."
"Thanks, Mrs. Carlson. Mr. Carlson. Nice talkin' with
you." Josh started to back out of the room.
"I said, `Let's go.' " Cindy grabbed his hand and led him
to the stairs.
"I can't stand them." Cindy turned and slammed her
bedroom door. "They want to know everything, be involved in
everything. Their precious little Cindy has had about enough of it."
"They are a bit much." Josh sat on the edge of the bed
and watched her pace.
"A bit! They are too much every time they speak.
They want to control my life. Do you know they took me to a shrink
last year? My mother broke into my room and read my journal. Did
she tell you that? I'll bet she didn't."
"Just a normal kid. Needs more interests."
"Jesus. Is nothing sacred around here?"
"They are a bit much. Even I thought that, and I've
never even had normal parents."
"Normal! That's a laugh. They're like something out
of fifties TV. Normal in every way, except for their loopy
daughter." She slapped her hand against the side of her head.
"The Waltons!"
"Right on." Now, at last, she laughed.
"But now I've saved you. Made your life happy again."
Josh smiled sweetly. She whacked him on the shoulder, sending
him sprawling.
"You know what I want? You know how you could
really save me? Let's get an apartment together. Durham, maybe.
Or Newmarket. Half way in between UNH and Stratham Tech.
Or your garage. Or whatever. What do you say? Can we do it?
Can we? Huh?"
"Wild sex?" Josh sat up panting on the bed.
"Are you ever serious? We're talking about saving me
from those morons downstairs. We're talking about getting me out
of this house. And you out of your house, too. Your house
must oppress you. Drive you nuts, your mother young enough to be
your sister, your grandpa trying to be the man in the house, and
your loopy old great gran. I don't know how you stand it."
"They're not so bad." What had his family got to do
with this?
"We're talking freedom here. We're talking you and me
and nobody else. On our own. We could do it."
"I might go to Detroit."
"Detroit? I thought you'd given up on that. Too far
away. Too different. Too not Josh Allenson."
"I don't know." The air in the room seemed thick, hard
to breath.
"But Detroit. What do you know about Detroit? Nothin'."
"I suppose." He tried to slow his breathing down,
make every breath enough to sustain him until he found some oxygen.
"Look. We could find a nice place. Like Sammie's
apartment. She and Angie got a super place. Right? We could find
a place like that. Maybe even that place. I think they're
leaving. Come on. It'd be great. Say yes. Come on, Josh. Say yes.
Please?" Where was her dignity? Josh squirmed.
"It might be okay." There wasn't enough air to talk
and breathe. What was happening?
"Okay? Okay? It would be great. Say yes." She had
been moving closer and closer to the bed, and now she pounced,
pinning Josh to the mattress, her face inches from him.
"Okay." He smiled weakly, wondering if he were going
to pass out.
"You are the most frustrating man I know, Josh Allenson.
Is that a yes, or what?" She was up again, staring at him.
Before Josh could answer, the door to the room burst
open and Cindy's mom bustled in, bringing a wave of fresh air along
with her.
"Hello, dears. My Cool Whip Surprise is waiting for
you. Come on down and dig right in." She lowered her voice and
glowered at Cindy. "I thought I told you, this door is to stay open!"
And then, her cheerful self again. "You are going to love this, Josh.
Just come on down and dig right in. I've already served you a
huge piece. Oh, you don't know how lucky you are!"
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